어제 $2 달러를 벌었습니다.
선교회 형제들을 먼저 돌려보내고 저 혼자 남은 가게에서 기도하고있었습니다. 날씨 탓이기도 하겠지만 하루 종일 일불의 수입도 없었는데 Store 문을 닫기 15분전 고등학교 4학년이라는여학생이 2불짜리 가방을 구입해주었습니다. 쌓여있는 청구서들과 밀린 지출 내역들이 즐비한데 2 달러를 받은 저는 하나님께 “도대체 무엇을 하시려는 것입니까” 하소연을 하였습니다. 14년 하나선교회 사역을 감당하며 처음으로 몰기지를 내지못하고 밀린 빌링들만  바라보다가 저는 나의 믿음은 어디에 있는지, 어떤 믿음인지 생각하게 되었습니다. 무거운 발걸음을 집으로 돌리고 저녁 식사 전 계시록을 읽어나가던 중 순간적으로 과연 이런 천국이 존재 하고 있을까 하는 질문이, 아니 의심이 찾아오는것을 감지하였습니다. 그러다가 내가 가지고있는 믿음이 $2불 짜리밖에 안되는구나 라는 결론에 이르게되었습니다.


선교회에서 어떤 사람은 Reverend Hank라고 불러주는 사람이 있는가하면 어떤 사람은 그냥 Hank 라고 부르는 사람도 있습니다. 이왕이면 Reverend 이라고 부르지 라고 혼자 생각한 적이있지만  $2불짜리 믿음을 확인한 후 목사라는 직분도 더이상 어울리지않는것을 느끼게되었습니다. 선교회 구좌에 잔고가 1불이 있던 1백만 달러가 있던 돈으로 하나님의 존재를 확인하는것은 아니지만 돈으로 저의 믿음이 흔들리는것을 확인한 이상 나의 믿음이라는것은 그다지 값진것이 아닌것을 알게되었습니다.
그래서 하나님의 은혜로 오늘까지 살아왔다는것도 새삼 느끼게 되었습니다.  좋으신 하나님 아버지. $2 달러는 있어도 그만 없어도 그만인 금액입니다. 저의 믿음도 역시 있어도 그만 없어도 그만이지요. 그러나 이렇게 값어치없는 믿음도 믿음으로 인정해주시고 이런 값싼 믿음도 사용하시는 하나님께 감사드릴수밖에 없습니다.

오늘도 이렇게 하나님의 은혜로 하나선교회가 살아있음을 여러분께 알려드립니다. 그리고 선교회의 어려움을 통하여 여러분의 어려움을 조금이나마 이해할수있게 하신 하나님께 감사를드립니다. 오는 16일 7시 선교회 Thrift Shop에서 감사 예배를 드리려고 합니다. 지난 주 폭설로 인하여 예배가 연기되었는데 이번 토요일 예배에 함께 하셔서 성령의 위로하심을 느끼시는여러분과 제가 되기를 바랍니다.

$2불짜리 믿음 드림

I sold two dollar worth of goods yesterday.
Brothers returned to Hana Mission by 4pm and I was alone at the store, praying to God about Hana Mission’s financial crisis. Then entered a high school girl into the store and spent two dollars to purchase a used hand bag. While receiving two dollars from this customer my heart was protesting to Father: What can I do with two dollars while bills are heaped up and penalty charges are keep adding? My feet were heavy when I was heading home but still wanted to find comfort from the scripture, I started reading Book of Revelation. While reading chapters 20 and 21, I caught myself start drifting from the Way and began questioning or rather doubting about the descriptions of the new heaven and the new earth. What happened to my faith in God? I asked myself. Then I realized that the faith I have is worth no more than $2 dollars. Some from Hana Mission call me pastor Hank while others just Hank. There were times I wish all just call me pastor Hank and keep the clear boundary. However, God revealed to me yesterday and today that I am not worth anything. Two dollars is not worth much and it does not make much differences. So is my two dollar faith. Should I not have a firm faith in the Lord whether Hana Mission has one dollar or a million dollar in our account? Nevertheless, my faith was shaken by the number of zeros in the dollar signs and proven worthless.

 

The best part is from here: How great is our Father’s patience and endurance with little ones like me!

It is by His grace alone that Hana Mission maintains its ministry and be able to serve our friends thus far. Honestly speaking I would not approve my faith as acceptable to our Savior Jesus but that’s just my opinion. What I know in my head is that Father God has accepted us as we are. That is the best part that I would like to share with you. Finally, what can a two dollar faith do for His kingdom? Nothing! But by His grace this worthless faith becomes worthy and useful for His glory.

 

Because of His grace Hana Mission is able to operate another day. 14 years of Hana Mission history does not mean anything if it is up to this $2 dollar faith. Just like a morning mist Hana Mission will not be found in one day. With this acknowledgment we will praise and worship God this Saturday at the Teaneck store and I would like to invite you to this thanksgiving service. Please join our worship service on 16th Sat at 7pm and be encouraged by the Holy Spirit. Dinner and snack will be served after service.

 

By 2 dollar faith.